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Episode-60- 6 Conflict Areas in Marriage and What to Do with Them

As is mentioned repeatedly on The Legacy Podcast, a strong marriage is crucial in building a multi-generational legacy of abundance.  Unfortunately, marriages do not come without difficulties or problem.  Join me for today's show as I address 6 of the biggest problems in marriage and some solutions.  Here is the outline:

1) Communication

  • Problem: Difference between men and women
    • Typically women need to communicate more with words
    • Typically women are more emotion in communication
  • Communicate: no one can read your mind
    • Don’t assume: Makes an Ass out of You and Me
  • Consider the other person:
    • If you are the one who likes to communicate get to the point
    • If you are the silent type open up
  • Consider how you communicate your feelings
    • You.....
    • Always....never...
    • Instead use I feel....

2) Money

  • Problem: Different approach to money
    • usually one is more of a money cruncher than the other
    • Dave Ramsey calls this nerd and free spirit
  • Another problem is different priorities
    • The wife may want to go out to eat more and the husband may want to spend more on hunting equipment.
  • Usually the man is more interested in return and the women is more interested in security.
  • Solution is the Budget
    • This serves as an agreement, a map, so there can be unity.
    • Ask how important an issue is on a scale of 1-10 (not everything can be a 10.)

3) Sex

  • Problems of difference in desire
    • Usually but not always the husband has a higher desire than the wife.
    • It is easier for the low desire to rise to the high desire than vice versa
    • It is possible to develop to the point of loosing this difference
    • Solution: 1 Cor 7:1-4. Do what you need to do.  Do it with all your heart.
  • Problem of difference in what is wanted
    • The male and female bodies are different and respond differently to different things.  It is important to learn what your spouse likes and do that.  This may not always be the same things either
    • If you do to your spouse what you want it may not be what he she likes best.
    • light versus no light
    • learn to compromise: not this time but next time.  Trade offs.
  • Problem of difference in trying something new
    • Usually one wants to be more creative than the other.
    • My position: Nothing is off limits as long as it does not violate the Scriptures or is forced upon the other.
    • The one who wants is more creative: be satisfied and savor what you do get
    • The one who is less creative: take little steps in creativity.

4) Third Party (Inlaws)

  • Problem: too much interference from inlaws
    • Adult child support
    • Looking to parents rather than spouse to meet need
    • Ask spouse before going to parents
  • Problem: comparison
    • Wives have a tendency to compare their husbands to their dads
    • Husbands have a tendency to compare their wives to their mothers
    • Christian comedian Tim Hawkins “things you don’t say to your wife”, something about the cooking not being like moms
    • Just don’t do it.  Either way you are showing disrespect.
  • Problem: unwanted advice
    • This is usually a problem of mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws.
    • Don’t take it personally
    • If gets really bad the husband needs to protect his wife.

5) Children

  • Differences in how many
    • Should be determined by God
  • Differences in how often
    • Should be determined by God
  • Difference schooling
    • Should be homeschooled
  • Differences in discipline
    • usually one is more lenient than the other
    • Have agreed upon standards
    • One is usually more consistent then the other
      • Be consistent
    • Don’t let the kids play one off the other.

6) Expectations

  • Expectation that your spouse will meet all your needs
    • Only God can do that.
  • You can change your spouse
    • You can influence him or her but not change her.
    • 1Pe 3:1-2 NKJV - [1] Wives, likewise, [be] submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, [2] when they observe your chaste conduct [accompanied] by fear.
    • Only God can really change the heart of someone


Resources for today's show

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Steve @ thelegacypodcast dot com